Friday, June 8, 2007

Man, no offense to the good people of Okemo Mountain Resort (tm) (r) (sm) (motto: Smile Until Your Face Hurts), but the skiing's pretty lousy right now.

OK, so it's June. But, still... c'mon. Is it too much to ask for a few open trails for some late-late-late Spring skiing? Some bumps? A rail or two? Not for me, of course, but for the kids. Think of the kids, Okemo! Yes, even the ones with purple hair and body piercings large enough to make certain African tribesman say, "Whoa, dude. Overkill." The kids. See, I believe the children are our future. Treat them well and let them lead the way... head-first down twenty-foot rails. Yes, these are the future leaders of America, which is why I plan on retiring to New Zealand... but I digress.

So it's almost mid-June and I haven't skied in three months and I'm getting a bit testy. Sure, summer is lovely up here. The green, verdant mountains. The meandering valley streams. The lazy drone of the blackfly. The refreshing whoosh of the out-of-state Ford Expedition passing seven cars in a row on a double-yellow line road. Ah, Vermont.

OK -- the Marketing Director just walked in and told me to stop goofing around and be more straightforward in my blog -- to get to the point, already. Here goes:

There's Ever So Much to See and Do at Okemo in the Summer!

No, seriously. It's just about the only thing that keeps me from flipping out and doing something completely indefensible and borderline irrational -- or as I like to call it, "pulling a Bode" -- due to the glaring lack of snow on the hill. (Hah -- so much for how "great" this legendary Okemo "snow team" is supposed to be. Look, pal, anyone can make snow in January. But snow in June... now there's a mark of exceptional performance! Heck, no one's done that since Killington / ASC pulled a Bode, right? Of course, I may not be completely familiar with the science of snowmaking here, but goshdarnit, as a taxpaying American with a new blog, too much free time and a misdirected, ill-informed opinion, I have the right to spout off and say whatever I like, right? Free Paris Hilton! OK, now that I have that out of my system...)

First, there's the Spring House. That's where you go to find out exactly how out-of-shape you really are. Lots of exercise options at the Spring House. Exercise your lower body on an elliptical machine. Exercise your upper body on a weight machine. Exercise your right to do nothing by relaxing in a giant steaming hot tub for four hours. (Sounds good to me. I was planning to adopt, anyway.)

Then, there's the Ice House. Of course, it's summer now, and there's no "ice" there, but since it would be silly to just call it "The House"... work with me here, folks. You got your tennis courts and you got your basketball courts. Personally, I'm into the tennis courts myself, but I think I can get my overly-aggressive-white-yuppie mojo going for some full contact b-ball. (Yes, "b-ball". That's what us guys from tha Jersey hood call the game.) Either way, I'm good.

And every Friday, the Jackson Gore Outdoor Music Series, or as us summer residents like to call it, the JGOMS (pronounced "jay-gahms"-- just throw that into conversation to demonstrate how "in the know" you are. You can thank me later), brings live music to the courtyard outside of the Jackson Gore Inn. For example, the Boston-area band "The Jumpoff" is playing today, which will roughly quadruple the naturally-occurring Funk Quotient of the Okemo Valley, so that should be a good time for all. There's also BBQ and beer and wine available, which will also provide a good time for all, provided that you're into the whole "good time" thing.

As for me... I'm off to the hot tub. Hey, there are a lot of kids out there who need good homes, right?

1 comment:

Colin said...

I think it would be a great idea to install snowflex at your resort. Winter 06-07 was my first year being a passholder at Okemo. It was a great winter, but I wish there were more activities in the summer. Snowflex is a growing alternative to snow. Basically, you could have skiing 365 days. It would be a great thing to have at Jackson Gore to promote your new base village.